"What's your finisher?
Really?
Let me shake your hand."

2007.05.09

This photo was taken after last week's Mark Mattis vs. Chris Cruit IWA bout. BBC = Black & Blue Crew Any questions?

I am pitching a new gimmick to a couple of wrestling promotions. So far there are no takers. I am sure the gimmick would get over. The gimmick is money. What is the gimmick you ask? Fool! I can't tell you that or 37 other indy wrestlers will pop-up using the gimmick and calling me a copycat. There is one thing certain about indy wrestlers... we are all move/gimmick stealing whores.

Ok, fine. I will tell you the gimmick. But you have to promise to keep it a secret. Tell no one or we will have to have a 'Darth Vader to lackey Imperial messenger' type conversation. Do NOT make me utter the phrase; "You have failed me for the last time!"

Anyway, the gimmick... Are you ready for this? What? You have to use the restroom? *Sigh* ... I will wait hurry up and don't forget to wash your hands.

Is everyone ready? Good. The gimmick is... (Dramatic pause) "Repossession Man". I will take things back from people that fail to pay their bills. Maybe one night I will "repo" (as we in the business call it) a fans hot dog. The next night, I will conquer the world! Admittedly, there are some details that still need to be figured out.

Seriously though, I would like to be Mark "the flippy killer" Mattis. Any match that involves a wrestler wearing a t-shirt, jeans, or shorts - I will storm the ring and deliver my finisher.

Likewise, any time a 'flippy' uses a ROH, TNA, WWE finisher in the middle of the match; I will storm the ring and deliver my finisher. The next time someone does a 5-star frog splash followed by a pedigree followed by the F U and never once goes for the pin - I reserve the right to humanely end the flippies life by using my finisher.

The great thing about flippies is that there are a million of them. I could kill 2 or 3 of them on every wrestling card and no one would notice. Seriously. Flippies are like cockroaches. You kill one and five more will instantly show up.

As another piece to the Mark "the flippy killer" gimmick; I plan to escort all flippies OUT of the locker room and to the parking lot. If the little turds want to wear clothes from "hot topic" into the ring, they do not need to take up valuable locker room space. They can sit in their emo-loving Chevette rocking out and applying eye-liner until it is time for me to kill... er... time for their match.

After the spot-filled gymnastics class and me delivering my finisher, there is no need for the flippies corpse to be wheeled into the locker room. The body can be disposed of in a positive manner. Throw one of two flippies into a pothole. Boom - I have provided a community service!

At this point, you are probably thinking, "Mark, you are brilliant! I love this plan." Well, you are right - I am brilliant.

You may be wondering, "Mark, what is this finishing maneuver you plan to use? How will you murder... err... humanely complete the oxygen intake of said flippies? Will you power bomb it onto the concrete floor? Will you ascend to the top rope and drop an elbow across its throat?"

I answer "No."

Flippies are impervious to top rope power bombs. Those moves only make them stronger. No, there is only one sure way to kill a flippy.

The only way to kill a flippy is with an old-school finisher. Proper use of an atomic drop (former WWWF Champion, Pedro Morales) or headlock takeover (Gorgeous George) will do the trick. *MY* finisher is a (Stan Hansen) 'lariat'.

I digress. My Best of DVD is available. Click here for details. Buy the DVD and help support the Mark "The flippy killer" Mattis Foundation.

Thank you.