2006.12.19

Well, 2006 is coming to a close. It is time for the annual "Year in Review" commentary. So, grab a cold glass of water - move the torrent download screen to the back of your desktop - and try to enjoy.

The year kicked off on a high note as we learned my wife was pregnant with twins. Yeeeeeeaaaaaah Me!

On a sad note, long time indy super ref, "Colorblind" Bruce Gray retired from wrestling. If you listen closely... you can hear a 10-year-old car with 400,000 miles rejoice... immediately before dropping a cylinder.

February saw a new installment of "Faberville" appear online. The "Best of TromaDance vol. 4" was released worldwide. "Faberville: Special Delivery" wowed the masses. A good time was had by all - except for Shank Dorsey, he is surprisingly unjolly for being so fat.

In March, I discovered that the BMI (body mass index) considered me clinically obese. On a completely unrelated note, I kicked my workouts up a notch or two. We started to lift at 5AM, 4 times per week. Donuts and coffee were available to all. Ok, say it with me, "Mmmmmmmmmmm donuts."

As April opened, my attention started to turn toward wrestling. My 7-year-old son soundly thrashed me in a 5K race. His allowance was abruptly cut and his TV was taken away. Little jerk.

In May, Cyrus Poe disproved many experts by learning how to open his own MySpace account. His blog was hilarious - even though he is a jerk. Shank Dorsey ingested his 13,00,011th zinger, licked his lips and stated, "I just love that creamy filling."

My 7-year-old son beat me in another 5K. He was sent to live with relatives in the Ukrane. Cursed... cursed child. Angry fist.

And then there was June... I returned to the wrestling ring! The BBC (Black and Blue Crew) beat the ever living poo out of Logan Caine and some other guys. But, the point is... Logan Caine is a jerk... and we chopped him hard and often. The following week, I teamed up with Shark Boy to face the HWA tag team champions at a local fundraiser. A good time was had by all (except Cyrus). Cyrus is a jerk.

In July, I wrestled (RoH Pure Champion) Nigel McGuinness at an HWA TV taping in Cincinnati, Oh. His accent is sooooooooooooo fake. The crowd INSTANTLY loved me. Their turned their backs and shunned Nigel... because, he as you should have guessed, is a jerk.

In August, my two little girls entered the world and everything changed. No more 5AM workouts. No more wrestling matches. My life has been filled with pooey diapers, middle of the night screaming and crying sessions, and not to mention caring for the babies. (Ok, who DIDN'T see that one coming? Show of hands... be honest.)

Peewee football kicked into high gear. As a coach, I go to run around screaming at the children, "No! No! You are doing it all wrong! That is terrible!"

Several children cried. One kid relocated out of state. The court order expires next month... sweet. Like I *KNEW* it was illegal to leave the kid duct taped to a port-a-potty The whole thing was a simple misunderstanding.

September, October, and November were a blur of youth football and 3AM feedings. My 7-year-old son was permitted to move back into the house on the condition that he gets a job. It was also stipulated that he is not allowed to run any more 5Ks.

Indy Super ref Bruce Gray unretired, retired, unretired. Terry Funk called; he wants his gimmick back. Bruce was last seen in a pair of binki briefs on a trampoline holding a pair of 1lb weights saying, "you never know when a promoter might call."

Cyrus Poe (who happens to be a jerk) stopped updating his MySpace account. Now, he is no better than Damien Kass, Tommy Chill, and Bull Miller. Shank Dorsey gained another 12lbs. while watching all-male yoga DVDs in his parents basement.

December has been an awesome month so far. This year, I was smart enough to do most of my Christmas shopping well in advanced. So, to those of you reading this that still have some shopping to do, I point and laugh (in my best Nelson voice) "Ha Ha!".

Buy my "Best of DVD" or I will post pre-surgery photos of Chyna and believe me no one wants to see that.