It has been over a year since I climbed into the squared circle. Now, we are a little more than two weeks away from my return. For the first time ever, I will be wrestling in front my community.
I will wrestle in front of the kids I have coached in the past. I will wrestle in front of kids I plan to coach later this year. I will be in front of the parents that I sit next to at peewee games.
I am filled with an unreal level of nervous energy. After more than a year away from the ring, my likeness is being used to sell the card to the townspeople. Come out and support the 'local boy'... No pressure, huh?
Being in the ring... one on one... there is nowhere to hide. There are no excuses. You alone succeed or fail. Standing in the corner waiting for the ref to call for the bell - those last few moments before the match - those can be very lonely. Every possible scenario good and bad is running through your head.
You are trying to remember your plan of attack. You know there is the possibility of serious injury. Butterflies float in your stomach. For a moment you feel the intense desire to throw up. The bell rings. The time is at hand. You must push the fear from your mind... It is time to focus. It is time to get to work.
My nervous energy has me bouncing from one extreme to the other. One moment, I am so nervous that I want to slink into a hole and hide for the next 3 weeks. I want to disappear. There is no way I can get in the ring - after a 1 year layoff - against someone who has been wrestling two matches per week for the past year, against someone who has the 'wind' to wrestle for 20 or 30-minutes.
The thought of getting pinned in front of friends and family is scary. Even worse than losing though... the thought of being sloppy is unfathomable. It is one thing to lose a well-fought tightly contested bout. It is another to get your butt handed to you on a platter.
To the other extreme - my positive nervous energy tells me to relax. Hang in there. I have done this 100 times before. It is like riding a bicycle - you never forget. I am in good physical shape. I have the support of my friends and family. I can step up into the ring and deliver. I have to focus on fundamentals. I have to execute. I have to do the little things right. I can bring home a win. I can deliver under pressure.
My positive energy has me so psyched that there are moments when I consider returning to a full-fledged schedule of matches. There are moments where I think to myself - I can wrestle 6 times per month. I can climb the ladder. There is no reason that my best matches have to be behind me. I am young. I am in good shape. I have ring experience. I could finally reach the Promised Land and win a promotions heavyweight title.
As the June 24 card approaches, more and more of my day will be consumed by these thoughts. I don't know if June 24 will be my last trip to the ring or the start of a new run. I just don't know.
