2005.12.02

In 2001, I began using the moniker "the Omega" as part of my wrestling shtick. I teamed with "the Alpha Male" Zach Avery as part of the Fraternity. We wreaked havoc on the central Ohio wrestling scene.

I am not going to sit here and pretend I made up the term Omega. I am sure wrestlers called themselves "the Omega" before me. I am sure 100 more guys will use the moniker at some point.

About a year ago I heard about a West Virginia wrestler going by "the Omega". Since we are in such close proximity, I thought it would be fun to compare the West Virginia/SE Ohio version of "the Omega" to the central Ohio version of "the Omega".

I should point out - I have never met Aaron Draven. We have mutual friends. After this column, he may try to hunt me down and punch me in the shins.

Consider this a tale of the tape...

The Omega - Aaron Draven
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 167
Hometown: Apex, OH
Debut: February 7th, 2004
Theme Song: Linkin Park "Don't Stay"
Signature Moves/Finishers: 450 Splash, The Omegawave, Draven Deathride
Website: http://www.theomega.cjb.net - Email: aarondraven@aol.com

The Omega - Mark Mattis
Height: 6' 1"
Weight: 236
Hometown: Fraternity Row
Debut: November 1999
Theme Song: Offspring "Kids Aren't Right"
Signature Moves/Finishers: Sleeper hold, Fore-arm smash

Mini-Omega
Height: 4' 1"
Weight: 64
Hometown: Beast Valley
Birth: February 1999
Theme Song: Bowling for Soup "Almost"
Signature Moves/Finishers: Head butt to the genitals

I am not trying to slander Aaron Draven, but I have been informed that his listed weight of 167 lbs. has been significantly inflated. For the sake of this discussion, let's assume that Aaron's true weight is 150 lbs. Let us also assume his true height is 5' 4" as opposed to the listed height of 5' 6".

As many long-time visitors know, I have a 6-year-old son, Mini-Omega. Mini-Omega is in the 80th percentile for height and 93rd percentile for weight. He is a relatively big kid. Mini-Omega placed 4th in the state-wrestling tournament last year. He was winning his semi-final match 8-1 on his way to the championship round when the official disqualified him for... being too angry/aggressive. But, I digress.

Mini-Omega is 4' 1". At 6 years old, he is about 15" shorter than Aaron Draven. I am 6' 1" or about 9" taller than Aaron Draven. Mini-Omega weighs in at 64 lbs. Aaron Draven weighs 150 lbs. Aaron outweighs Mini-Omega by about 86 lbs. I weigh 236 lbs. I outweigh Aaron Draven by 86 lbs.

I can bicep curl Aaron Draven. Seriously.

The question is... what would be a better match?
Aaron Draven vs. Mark Mattis
Aaron Draven vs. (6-year-old) Mini-Omega

In all fairness, Aaron Draven seems to fit nicely in the middle. He is larger than Mini-Omega. He is smaller than "the Omega" Mark Mattis. He should have his own - more accurate - moniker. Perhaps he could be...

"Omega Express" Aaron Draven - Similar to Holiday Inn Express. He has the same name, just scaled down features.

Or

"Omega Lite" Aaron Draven - He is like the original version but with 2/3rds less muscle!

There are all sorts of variations and possibilities. The sky is the limit.

That concludes todays edition of "know your Omegas".

P.S. Mrs. Omega says her arms are bigger than Aaron Draven's.