2002.05.13

If you are lucky, off weekends in wrestling are few and far between. If and when you have an off weekend, it is best to take full advantage of it. Some weekends are more relaxing than others. This weekend fell into the "should have stayed under the covers and pretended to be sick" category.

I pride myself on pushing the limit in the weight room. I consider myself to be fairly good physical condition. This weekend, I had the opportunity to run through a series of drills and cardiovascular exercises. I have not been this fatigued in a very long time. The last time I felt this exhausted was following a trip to Eldon Missouri to work out with Harley Race's World League Wrestling promotion.

On Friday evening, I went on a scouting expedition. It has been a while since I have witnessed the carnage of a Shank Dorsey / Dale Johnson tag match. These two badly dressed, badly behaving, hygiene challenged "athletes" abused poor little Mace Parker. Shank delivered quite a shocker. I don't know that Mace will ever be the same again.

This weekend, the "yardbird posse" will be Yellowsprings, Ohio. Trips to Yellowsprings are usually memorable. I think the last time that we went to Yellowsprings; Dale Johnson got beat up by several children. These 10-year old kids were punching, slapping, kicking Dale and calling him names.

This weekend, Al B. Damm will beat the ever living crap out of Dale "chest day is happy day" Johnson. I get the displeasure of facing Shank Dorsey. I am ready for everything he could throw at me. I am ready for the donkey punch. I am ready for the Dorsey-Horsey. I will not succumb to the shocker. I am well aware of the lights out maneuver.

Dale Johnson and I work out at the same gym. According to Shank Dorsey, Dale has been yapping and slapping his gums behind my back. Dale has been talking crap about how much weight he can lift. Dale has been making statements about my workouts being weak. Dale claims my work out routine isn't very tough. Well, well, well...

Dale, I hope you read this... If you like it rough, that can be arranged. Are you in the mood to tap?

Saturday night, Yellowsprings Ohio at the John Bryan Community Center, Mark Mattis (that's me) will make Shank Dorsey cry like the blubbering, toothless, stinky diaper wearing crybaby he is. I only someone takes the time to read this to him and 'splain it. Otherwise, I might feel bad taking advantage of the mental midget.